Assignment 2 - This I Believe (revised)

A little while back I had a secret. It wasn’t one of those little white lies we all commit. I was one of the deep, dark, take to the grave secrets I thought I would never reveal.

My roommate was arrested a week before our rent was due. This left me with a terrible dilemma; make $750 in five days or become homeless.

It was about that time I received an email titled “Wanna make $100/hr????” Out of my desperation, I responded. Within hours a man picked me up and brought me to a spa. Once in a room there he said, “Take off your clothes and I will show you how to give a massage.” I listened. Minutes later, not only were his hands on my back, they were on my thighs and buttocks too. He was my first customer in a full service massage parlor. The money was so good that he was not my last. I would go back there for a week at time every couple months for about a year.

During that time, my close friend asked what I did for a living; I told him I was a stripper. I began dating that friend of mine a little later. Since he thought I was a stripper, I had to keep up the lie. There was no way I could convince my, now, boyfriend that stripping was so horrible for me that he should help me out financially while I look for a new job.

After a couple trips to work, I broke down in my boyfriend’s arms crying. It felt wrong seeking sympathy for my adulterous acts. The only words I could manage were, “Don’t make me strip.” His response was that he had a plan that would allow me to quit “stripping“ in a year. I could not live with myself doing that for another year. I could barely manage a smile knowing I have done it in the past. That is when I made up my mind to come clean.

I wailed, “I am not a stripper. I have sex with strangers for money. Please don’t hit me.” Tears were streaming down my face the whole time. I thought I had just lost my closest friend.

He grabbed me in his arms and locked me in the tightest embrace I have ever known. He told me he was sorry for what I went through. Within a few days, he moved in with me to help me with rent so I could keep my apartment.

I thought I would lose my friend by being honest. Instead, I gained the greatest love in my life and a partnership that has no secrets. Revealing my secret didn’t ruin me: it has set me free.

I believe in the relief of honesty.

***post write***
I am okay with the way this piece came out after cutting a lot of the original. I am glad that I decided not to kill any attention from a reader by cluttering the piece with references to time and place. I realize now that it is what happens that matters. The who, when, and where will not offer anything extra to this work. I had to change what happened to my character a little I made some progress on this. The minuteness of the changes make the story appear to have stayed the same.
when we started this assignment I thought it would be hard to write about something important to me. In reality, it was very easy. All I had to do was create a character with an absurd life story and extract a bit of moral from the story. Then I replaced all the shes with Is and all the hers with mys.

So, reader, do you think this piece is better shorter? To be more specific, is it more tolerable to read now?

Does it need more colorful language? I feel that there isn't my emotion in this even though it is still of graphic nature. Help!!